I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
