At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
