this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
