I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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