Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hippo gnu deer
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
