actually, I'm a sock model
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
