you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
