last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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