He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
