he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
