Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
