She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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