What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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