my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
