So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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