tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
