My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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