I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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