Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
