I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
