There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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