the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
