Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
