I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
