I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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