My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My nipple is on Facebook.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
