I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
