Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
