So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
