"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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