my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
