At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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