i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
