i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
