my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
