I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
