Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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