Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
