I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
