Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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