Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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