You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
