you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
