i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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