the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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