Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
