So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
