yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
