OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
