if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How does it feel to date your dad?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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