i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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