oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
