I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got inside last night via doggy door
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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