I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
