im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize