i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
