im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
