You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
