a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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