I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
