im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i think i have two assholes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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