We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
