hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
