He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize