now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
