Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
