I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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