i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
